I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
