only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
