Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
