my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
