When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
