i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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