if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You're like the curious george of whores
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
