the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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