Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
