Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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