her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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