what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
