He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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