She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
