Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize