My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
