I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
