Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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