Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
