Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
