well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
