Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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