at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i think i just lost a toe
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
