matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
