Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
