I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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