i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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