Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
well, you know. whores of a feather.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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