she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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