Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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