i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
