ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
