I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
