Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i out mim tonsoeep
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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