no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
being pregnant is like rehab
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
