i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
