I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
