Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
