I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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