i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
