Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
