WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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