So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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