I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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