oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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