dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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