I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
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I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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