I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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