I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
