areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
