i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
