I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
