Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
