you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
