this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
