how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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