I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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