So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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