bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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