what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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