y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
