put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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