Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
