he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
