omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I want to be your penis for a week.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
