Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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