I love black thongs
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
