i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
