Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
