When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
