I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
