Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
