bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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