he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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