you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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