Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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