cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i think my mom watched the whole time
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
