She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
