This is not my ceiling
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
