dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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