Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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