Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize