Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
